Monday, October 18, 2010

Identity crisis

Nurse-midwife. Nurse. Midwife. Hmmm..the age old question was going through my head this weekend while on call. How do I most identify myself and where do I fit in? For the first time, I had a patient and might I add..she was MY patient..in labor at SMMC. While I have nothing but good things to say about the staff I met there yesterday, it was nonetheless awkward as I was not familiar to them as a practitioner. There's nothing like the feeling of being the "new kid on the block" and for me it holds a double meaning. I was asked how long I had been a midwife and when I answered I could sense the apprehension. It's hard not to take that personally but having been a nurse before becoming a midwife, I understand the reaction. I too am guilty of scrutinizing new practitioners and perhaps not letting my guard down until I deemed them worthy. Since I am for now unfamiliar with the staff and physicians, I found it hard to find a place to relax while my patient labored and rested with her epidural. I visited with the nurses for awhile but felt I just got in their way, so I went to the doctor's lounge. I felt just as awkward there as I felt like I had snuck into a secret realm. Trying to be inconspicuous I headed for the ladies room, which of course was being cleaned. I must have looked desperate as one physician piped up and suggested I use the men's restroom as he promised to guard the door. I took that as a sign of acceptance and went along with the plan. (Yep, I'm all about first impressions) As I came out of the restroom the doctor extended his hand to introduce himself and said, "You must be Dr. Darby." Nope, "I'm Midwife Darby." Yep, that's how I answered..identity crisis over.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Now it's for real...

Last Thursday I was informed via an email from one of my doctors that I have full privileges at both OPRMC and SMMC. It came across like this, "You have full privileges." Hmmm..I stood there for awhile looking at that email a little unbelieving and also slightly disappointed. I mean, don't get me wrong I am very excited about being an independent practitioner after working so hard for many years...but where were my flowers and my balloons? Okay, okay I know that's goofy and I know many practitioners get privileges every day, but this was my first time EVER. Oh well, I will just throw myself a little celebration with a glass of wine and a toast to my husband for getting me here.

Meanwhile, I was managing an induction of a woman who was having her fourth baby. The idea was that either a physician or one of my midwife cohorts would be in the room to observe my skills and to help with suturing as needed. When the patient was complete I called my doctor to let her know I would be catching soon. She said she would head over but she had one more patient to see and that she trusted I would be okay and to call if I needed assistance. So I caught...and afterward looked around the room and realized that was truly my first delivery without someone in the room or at the nurses station. I had written the orders, AROMed and caught baby without checking in with someone to make sure I was doing it right. I became giddy with this knowledge and yes, announced it to my patient and the nurses. They were witnesses to the birth of a new midwife. The most amazing part to me that while there is always a healthy dose of apprehension with every birth, I was not scared or fearful. I knew I could do this..what an amazing feeling!

So dear midwifery students (if you are reading this)..know that all your efforts, all that time away from family and all those moments of fear during a birth..will be worth it! You will know what to do and it will be amazing..