So here it is..my last weekend before I start my new career. I have been waiting for this for so long and had hoped to start earlier than the 19th. Due to technical difficulties, I had to wait and was a little bummed. Ironically, now that my start date is only a few days away I find myself suprised at how quickly this day came. I have had some anxiety and a few sleepless hours in the middle of the night..notice how self-confidence never seems to exist at 3am? I have noticed that a knot is developing in the center of my back and my stomach hurts most of the day...
Don't get me wrong, I am very excited and motivated to get started but WOW! I am going to be a midwife..I mean like for real..the enormity of my future responsibilties does not escape me and I think that is where some of my anxiety lies. I have been rereading my textbooks, looking up medications and calling upon my midwife sisters for advice all in hopes that I don't go in looking the fool and that my education will show itself easily.
Last week, I was working what would be one of my last shifts as an RN. The physician I was working with seemed impressed by me and told this to the charge nurse that day. He did not realize that I was temporary and not going to be a permanent fixture at that hospital. At the end of my shift, he approached me and thanked me for taking care of his patient. Then he proceeded to state, "You know, if you are really good at something, maybe you should stick to it." I know he meant this to be a compliment but that has been playing itself over and over in my brain...and self-doubt began to creep in.
Today..I decided that is all going to change. I know that I am not going in as an expert midwife. I still have so much to learn and hope that I always will continue to learn. I know that I am a safe and compassionate midwife, which includes asking for help from my colleagues when needed. I realize that if I didn't go into this with a little fear and uncertainty then maybe I'm a little to conceited to be doing this amazing job. I am going to be okay. I am going to take deep breaths and pull from my inner strength. I am going to keep my eyes, my mind, my heart and ears open to new ideas and knowledge. I am going to trust myself.
And to the wonderful physician...Yes, I was a great L/D nurse..but it took me 10 years to get there.