Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Grace like rain

Author's note: It is with permission that I share details.. "Grace Like Rain" is the title to one of my favorite songs. Surprised? So am I. I first heard the words to this song at the most unexpected place and at a time when I needed to hear it. I was at a meeting at a birth center downtown, I had just returned to school and beginning my three year journey toward midwifery. I had three young children at home and was sure I had made a mistake. I was attending this meeting to acclimate myself into midwifery in hopes that I would leave with a sign that I was making the right decision. Then an Angel appeared.. I'm not kidding. That was her name and she could sing. This song she sang was beautiful and for some reason moved me to tears. I felt like I had my answer and had truly found my calling. I ran into Angel again a few years later when I was attending a conference in Seattle. I learned she was singing at the Christian Midwives sermon and I attended in hopes she would sing that song again..."how precious did that grace appear.." Those words ring true to me and I feel humbled by their powerful meaning, for I have been looking for grace my whole life. Thankfully, it finds me where I least expect it. I struggle with my faith sometimes, feeling like an outsider trying to get into a secret society, though I have been welcomed with open arms. I cannot identify with one religion easily or put a name to my beliefs. But I do know this: I have a strong faith in God. I believe He is guiding me in all my life exeriences both good and bad. I believe God is gracious in that he has given me moments of clarity when I seem to need it the most. The most obvious being through Annabelle's spiritual journey. Annabelle began asking about God when she was five and leaving notes around the house asking God for His presence. She began attending church with our close friends Kreisa and Brady Braatz and after a few years asked if she could be baptized. On Easter Sunday a few years ago, my daughter was submerged into a tank of water, baptismal words bestowed upon her. When she came up from the water, that's when I saw it... pure joy, belief, faith and love of God was shining on my daughter's face...the hour I first believed.. Of course it is easy to feel God's presence in every birth I attend. Birth in an incredible gift and truly miraculous. At times I feel I am made more aware of His presence by answered prayers. I pray at every delivery I attend, sometimes without realizing that I am doing so until the birth is done and I whisper a thanks to God. I pray for the mother to have strength to birth, for my hands to do no harm, for that first cry from a new baby and for all to be well. Recently, I found myself praying in earnest while experiencing my first obstetrical emergency as a midwife. What could have been a scarier, more tragic experience was tempered by the fact that my doctor was in the next room and an anesthesiologist walked in just as I was calling for an emergent delivery. Was it coincidence or God's grace that the necessary people were readily available for my patient? Or how about my lovely couple whose sweet baby's head I am cradling in my blog photo? Due to religious beliefs they choose to refuse blood transfusions, which thankfully most mothers do not need while giving birth. This patient was strong, labored and pushed for many hours but the baby would not come. In her c-section, the doctor and I both noted that she was not bleeding much at all, especially in a circumstance that usually would have heavy bleeding. I murmured, half-jokingly "must be a God thing." A few days later I was given clarity again when I was discussing the lack of bleeding to my patient and her spouse, and how amazing it was to see. The patient replied, "Yes, well my husband prayed for me just before the surgery." "Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me.."

3 comments:

  1. my dear sarah your words are so eloquent, your heart so beautiful, and you are my gift from God. love, love, love you!

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  2. I remember you coming in the nursery saying, "I don't know whether to kneel or cross myself when I come in here".. when I used to listen to Christian music all of the time... Annabelle is your angel. :)

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