Sunday, August 7, 2011

Darby three

This time of year is exciting, new and sometimes a cause for anxiety..mostly for the parents. It's the return to school. While I am ready for more of a schedule, earlier bedtimes and structure, my heart is slightly heavy. I know I am not alone in my feelings, many mothers will be sending their children to school for the first time or as in my case also to a new level of school. As some of you may have read on Facebook, I had a major meltdown when I enrolled Annabelle in junior high a few weeks ago. As the summer days wind down I catch myself looking closer at my children as if I am trying to capture moments to sustain me for the fast years coming at me.
Annabelle~ This morning I snuck into your room while you were sleeping. I hardly recognized the woman-child sprawled across the bed. Your feet are now bigger than mine and your body is beginning to reflect the woman you will become. I lay down beside you, curling my body around yours noting how your length is so close to mine. For a few moments I listened to your breathing and remembered a time when I could hold you close to my heart your little body laying across my as I folded your body next to mine for a few stolen moments of snuggles..I shed a few tears. I am so excited for you and your new journeys but often wonder where the year have gone.
Amelia~ You are an amazing girl. I feel like I am still getting to know you while feeling like I have always known you. Everyday it seems I learn something new about you.. This summer has been a huge summer of growth. You are able to speak your mind and choose to do more often of which I am pleased. You bless me with hugs and words of love at moments when I seem to need them the most. I am excited for you to have a few years of school without the shadow of your sister around. I know you have struggled and sometimes feel like you can't compete or succeed against Annabelle's accomplishments. I hope you know that you already have in your own way...
Zachary~ Six years ago as I dropped your oldest sister off at kindergarten, my heart was happy knowing you were on your way. In fact, that first day of school was when I saw your heartbeat and was reassured that you were fine. You were my security blanket of sorts since I was losing your sisters to school, I knew I would at least have a little you. How you have betrayed me. This year we will send you to kindergarten and I can hardly believe we are at this moment already. You are so ready! You are already reading and I worry that you may be a little bored at school but I'm sure your teachers are used to busy little boys. You have a smile that warms my heart and you proclaim your love numerous times throughout the day. Sometimes you will slow down long enough for a few cuddles but mostly with your Dad since you seem to worship him now. That's will come back to me someday.
I have taken the first day of school off mostly so that I can be there to celebrate their big moments. A little so that I can celebrate the end of summer and gaining a little freedom. Mostly, so I can privately shed a few tears...
Good luck to all of you sending your babies off to school!

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